On My Dream of Simplicity
How to make a life, not just a living.
I had been longing to visit the Dream Bank in Madison for the past couple years–since I knew it existed. Everything I had heard about the mission and goals to inspire the community made it very appealing to me. So after finding this freedom (from work), I decided to monitor and set goals for each day and week as to input and output. This transformed by time, whether I was spending time with my mother or pursuing other learning. Remember, this is the time for me to acquire that which is not possible while working. So last month Bruce and I went downtown on a school night to hear a talk from AmFam’s Think and Explore series entitled How to Make a Life, Not Just a Living. (Have I mentioned the greatness of living in Madison?!) According to the flyer, I would “leave with actionable skills and systems to forge my own path.” Well, you can’t beat that! So we did join Michael Tecku in hopes of finding meaning through the pursuit of freedom and were pleasantly inspired by his talk.
Mr. Tecku is a learner of the highest degree. I like that. He is thoughtful and energetic but mostly he is unapologetic about getting what he wants. A young man, unbounded by constraints and compulsions of the work-a-day culture, he is showing up. Check him out!
Several things struck me and really connected with what I have been exploring for myself. These sparks include (and this is not his outline–but my noticings): 1.) Get to zero, 2.) Define and find freedom, and 3.) Be someone you would want to be around.
First, he impressed with his attitude. It seems there is nothing that this man could not do. How is that possible? He shared some personal history. If he wanted to cook for his friends, he learned how. If he wanted to dance at a party, he learned how. When he wanted to make a million dollars, you guessed it, he learned how. And after learning, with that knowledge in his pocket, he found himself contained by nothing and no one. He started with what he could do–he started with knowing what he could do. He found that everything else could actually be accomplished with a little work and ingenuity. The internet is an amazing place and learning is FREE, he reminded us. Applying this knowledge to business, he became a successful entrepreneur, but more than that, he never considered himself unworthy—never questioned whether he was enough. We are always enough—it’s the questioning it that holds us back. The mindset of being small (trapped, limited, dis-empowered, negative, blaming, fearful, and putting others down) makes you small and causes suffering. Every person has the capacity, regardless of their dead-end job, parenting, or bad luck to be expansive; to learn and grow and be challenged. The Flow State happens when we do novel things, move beyond our comfort zone. I feel this expansion when I listen to great music and performances, travel and venture to unknown places, connect with and meet people that are kind and compassionate, read vastly, and create beautiful things with my own hands. The times in my life that I have chosen to be expansive have paid off in ways beyond my wildest dreams. It’s not impossible because of fear and vulnerability. It’s impossible if we don’t show up. I think it involves living by abundance. A mindset.
He termed a goal state: Get to zero! Bruce of course found this appealing. I know the stuff in our lives weigh us down. I’ve known that for some time. There are layers of work to get to zero but the beauty is, with each layer you remove, the closer to freedom you become. A women in one of my book groups recalled how she failed at moving abroad last year, but did get down to twelve boxes of belongs. We all want to be debt free, but harboring stuff is equally as limiting as debt. There is a discipline to understanding our need for more. It is the discipline that is the learning and creates the clarity to make the choice of freedom. When I do food or workout challenges, I get the same clarity. But it’s not about economics, resolutions, or clutter entirely. The Buddhists suggest you “empty your cup”–make room for the new.
Along with this clarity, comes the second noticing: define and find freedom. What does freedom mean to you? What freedom are we trying to find–continuously? One might think freedom from scarcity-thinking (never having/being enough or making enough) runs counter to reducing, but that’s where the beauty lies. It’s a paradox. In balancing and understanding what you really need to be free and happy, it’s easier to let go of the wanting right along with that box to Goodwill. To me, freedom is having the time and space to be at peace.
The final walk-away from M.T., is the idea of being that person you most want to be around. This is the kind of person that I value and am on my way to becoming. The choices I have made are paying off big-time. I am loving the look-back on the connections I have made when living wholeheartedly. (You can check that out in Stories to Love By.) Making choices about what I can and want to do is extremely empowering. The people that surround me are icing on the cake. Which came first? You tell me.
Thank you Micheal Tecku for sharing the positive narrative–or, better, writing the narrative that is in the positive! We all have that capability with the proper mind-set. I’ve come away being motivated and not just a little bit excited about the next year. Imagine the possibilities. What smallness would you give up to be free?
