Mama Said There’d Be Days Like This

Yesterday I hit a wall. Everyone knows the kind of concrete face-plant that usually ends in tears and crazy utterances like, “I can’t do this!” For me, it doesn’t get to that point, anymore. I know when I am approaching that path and can usually steer clear. I decided to check in publicly to remind myself of the formula and perhaps practice how inspiration can interrupt that downward spiral. 

I have been working extremely hard the last couple months because I know success is solely based on me Showing Up. As my work and tasks (and accomplishments) started piling up I got up earlier and earlier to exercise, study, read, meditate, and be purposeful. I felt empowered to realize that my work was now being impactful to others versus the months of “expansion” I did focusing on restoration and self-exploration. I felt the payoff. My attitude benefited from knowing in my heart that I was skilled and good things were coming my way–I thought I was in “The Flow.” 

Then, without warning, the tables turned. I lost focus and concentration. I started moving from one task to another with a frenzied panic. “I don’t want to let people down that believe in me,” I told myself. I became less mindful and more frustrated; brooding which did nothing to achieve my goals nor for the benefit of my relationships. I still got up early but became too “busy” to exercise. One day I realized a 30-minute block slipped away from me on purposeless stuff (yes, FB). How could that be when I have so much to do? 

You see where this is going!? When I notice and become still, I realize the messages and inspiration all around me. Lessons my frenzied self failed to appreciate. So, I need to take stock. Thankfully, there will always be time for that. 

Nothing very good or very bad last very long: the importance of impermanence

First, I acknowledged the impermanence of feeling down or overwhelmed. This is not who I am, but what I am feeling now. I am not overwhelmed, but I may feel overwhelmed. I now notice how quickly my self-talk moved away from purposeful “I have skill and can do this!” approaches to “What am I doing?” promoting attitudes of defeat. I became mindful of the voice that could encourage me and squashed the one that was defeating me. It required a mantra that I repeated each time I felt the squashed rising. 

Surround yourself with great people and be grateful for them

I looked to and surrounded myself with people who lift my spirits. In that sense I am fortunate beyond measure. People for whom I am grateful are in abundance. Yes, Abundance! That is a great word to describe my community–people that can lift me up. I made time for those connections and reached out. 

Look for inspiration and know you are not alone

The mantra is important but the need for inspiration can never be overlooked. I turn up the messages that promote well-being. I turn down the news and know there are more good people than bad. There are so many people doing good all around us. Their stories and messages uplift because they too are struggling, were awkward teenagers, and may have crippling self-doubt. Pay attention–have grace. 60 Minutes correspondent Jon Wertheim interviewed John Green, author of The Fault in The Stars and a new book, Turtles All The Way Down. Author Green’s attempt to keep the downward spiral in check is a process in which we all can learn–about ourselves and appreciate that others might be experiencing their own weariness. We are in good company; the struggle is real. 

Be with young people and absorb their spirit

When we struggle to be the grown-up models, we think we should be, we can look around to the next generation, to inform us. This seems hard to fathom since our frustration and discouragement of immaturity is strong. We love to be superior to all those kids of the next generation. I see you shaking your head and muttering, “What will come of the world!?” My daughter has set out to chase her dreams. I am inspired by her. 

Be with old people and absorb their spirit 

The young and the old are marvelous. We all are! You, like me, may be in fear of what the future holds but appreciate the countless examples of friends and family that are growing old with grace. We visited wonderful inspirational friends that moved away from our city in retirement. Visiting them inspired me. Their walls were filled with art mostly created by our friend, who took up painting and drawing later in life. When I asked Jan how she picked up the French horn–she plays in a group three times a week–she replied that she used to play it in high school. I am fostering the miraculous vision that the future may be a marvel for me too.

Be well!